I recently saw Frank Turner play at the O2 Academy in Bristol and it got me thinking about music, venues and identity after motherhood that I wanted to get down on (virtual) paper; my abandoned blog seemed as good a place as any to jot down my ramblings (especially since I chose a Frank Turner lyric as the name of my blog when I started it several years ago!).
I grew up seeing bands at this brilliant Bristol venue - the most memorable being The Thrills (supported by the then-unknown The Kooks), The Subways and Bloc Party. I hadn’t been back since seeing Jurassic 5 in July 2013 before having both my children. I have been to gigs since then but whilst pregnant, I was worried about having my bump bashed so had stuck to larger venues with seated tickets which is, quite frankly, just not in the same realm. In fact, the first Frank Turner gig I went to was his O2 Arena show in February 2014 which was fantastic but this recent smaller performance totally outdid it, mainly due to the experience you get at a more intimate venue.
Ricky and I arrived and as I stepped inside I instantly felt 15 years old again. We initially stood by the barriers up by the bar but I had a strong urge to get down into the thick of it and dragged Ricky closer to the stage. In our new position, we watched the Arkells set. They were upbeat and clearly enjoying themselves which was infectious In fact, I need to look them up as there were definitely a few songs that I need to revisit because at this point, I was just feeling overwhelmed by how much I had missed seeing music in these smaller venues - rubbing shoulders with strangers who are getting hyped up for the main act, just like you are in that exact same moment, is a beautiful thing that just does not translate in a bigger venue. Even writing that seems strange as obviously in an arena, there is an amazing atmosphere but the people you are sharing the experience with are faceless dots in the distance rather than real people, which is where I feel the magic gets lost.
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| The Thrills - So Much For The City |
Ricky and I arrived and as I stepped inside I instantly felt 15 years old again. We initially stood by the barriers up by the bar but I had a strong urge to get down into the thick of it and dragged Ricky closer to the stage. In our new position, we watched the Arkells set. They were upbeat and clearly enjoying themselves which was infectious In fact, I need to look them up as there were definitely a few songs that I need to revisit because at this point, I was just feeling overwhelmed by how much I had missed seeing music in these smaller venues - rubbing shoulders with strangers who are getting hyped up for the main act, just like you are in that exact same moment, is a beautiful thing that just does not translate in a bigger venue. Even writing that seems strange as obviously in an arena, there is an amazing atmosphere but the people you are sharing the experience with are faceless dots in the distance rather than real people, which is where I feel the magic gets lost.
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| Arkells |
After the Arkells, I checked my phone for a text from my Mum who was babysitting and managed to drop my phone and smash the screen into a million pieces (story of my life). My phone was then put away for the remainder of the evening. Unfortunately, this was not the case for the whole crowd. In fact, I had a group in front of me who were constantly taking photos during Frank’s set and showing each other which I thought was such a shame - whilst doing this they were missing out on the very thing that they had paid to see, as well as distracting others. I’m a sucker for a bit of social media like many people these days, but when attending these gigs at age 15, my phone camera was so shit (if it even had one!?) that it was pretty pointless trying to get a photo and I took that approach more than ten years on, when my iPhone was more than capable of taking a decent photo and even a video (even with a smashed screen!) if I’d wanted to. Despite the phones swaying in front of me, I had a pretty decent view of the magnificent set that Frank Turner and The Sleeping Souls delivered to an adoring crowd; I loved every minute. There was a great atmosphere, like you were with a whole bunch of family and friends, and I have discovered since that there is an amazing community of Frank Turner fans who are so welcoming and supportive of each other simply due to their shared love of the man himself. This, to me, really goes above and beyond the power of music.
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| Frank Turner |
In the hours and days following the gig, I just couldn’t get it off my mind. It was like becoming a Mum had taken up all of me but suddenly a piece of the ‘old’ me had slotted back in place. It got me thinking about how overwhelming motherhood can be. Sometimes it feels like once you have children, that’s it, you’re ‘Mummy’ now. You have to (in the words of FT) “grow up, be an adult, be bored and unfulfilled” but that’s absolutely not the case. Becoming a Mum should just be adding a new string to your bow, not replace big, important parts of you. I realise now that as much as I love being a Mum and I love my children more than anything in the world, I still need to make time to be ‘Emma’ or else I’ll just end up being a fucking boring shell of a person as soon as I’m in a situation without my children. Also, if you end up with no interests outside of your own children then what kind of a role model are you? And when your children fly the nest, what is left behind? My love for music largely came from messing around with my parents record player where my brother and I would dance around to their old AC/DC and Black Sabbath records - if music had not been such a big part of their identity, would I still have gone on to enjoy it as much as I do? All questions that I don’t have the answer to but are worth considering. I’m only 28, I’ve got a whole life to live - might as well make it an interesting one!
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| Me and my boys |
Excitement on the way to the Frank Turner gig 27/03/2018
